Is the seven-year itch true?
Do relationships hit a certain point at that 7-year mark and everything just goes downhill?
According to biological anthropologist Helen Fisher (who studied if the 7-year itch really did exist) says, “I began by studying worldwide data on marriage and divorce and noticed that although the median duration of marriage was seven years, of the couples who divorced, most did so around their fourth year together…”
Are we talking four-year itch now instead of seven?
Now, we’re no biological anthropologist and have no studies under our belt, but we definitely have some tips and tricks up our sleeve to help you go the distance in your relationship.
Whether you’re in a new relationship, or you’ve spent plenty of time celebrating anniversaries – sometimes that spark gets lost along the way.
In a relationship…
Sometimes we get in a rut.
Sometimes we take for granted the other person.
Sometimes we need to press the reset button and start over.
Wherever you’re at in the journey with your partner, we conjured up 10 ways to bring that spark back to your relationship.
Let’s dig in…
10 Ways to Bring That Spark Back to Your Relationship
1. Check Yourself – Women -- especially if you’re nearing, or in menopause -- go through so many hormonal changes that you may not be aware are affecting you.
If you feel out of whack, or experience symptoms such as fatigue, weight gain, low sex drive and/or mood and sleep disturbances speak with your doctor who can run tests and potentially recommend treatment options that will help you get back to being you again.
2. Communicate – How many times do you just flat out not listen to your partner? Most often your partner is giving you cues and signals as to what is going on with them (bad day at work, not feeling so hot, contemplating a career change, etc.) without saying anything.
Listen, be open and it doesn’t hurt to learn what love language you and your partner speak (take the quiz), so you both communicate better.
3. Go Back in Time – We know the past isn’t a great place to live. However, think about the time when you first met -- what did you do for fun? How did you connect? Remember how it all started and what kept you moving forward and cultivate that now.
4. Be Playful – Seek adventure. Go on a date somewhere outside your comfort zone. Play laser tag. Flirt. Be spontaneous. Do something different. Make play a priority in your relationship and see a new side of each other.
5. Be Kind – This might sound like, well duh, but how often do you initiate a small act of kindness? Make your partners lunch. Buy their favorite ice cream. Pick up the towel. Say “thank you” more often. Acknowledge their best attributes.
6. Kiss Me – Not only is a smooch a big sign of love, it’s also good for your health. In one study -- decreased cholesterol and stress, with increased relationship satisfaction – was noted. Now go on and get your kiss on!
7. Connect More – Whether that be ramping up your sex life, or cuddling on the couch during a Netflix binge, physical connection is helpful to bring that spark back to your relationship. And it doesn’t require a lot of time; just a few minutes of a strong embrace can help you feel on the same page with your partner.
8. Hit the Pillow Together – By going to bed together at the same time you can use those occasions to share more deeply about your day, or what you’re going through – uninterrupted.
With kids, activities and a career, it’s sometimes difficult to connect during the day. But, once both of your heads hit the pillow, you are literally in your own little world. Enjoy it – even if it’s just a sweet “I love you” and bedtime cuddles.
9. Express Yourself – Many times, we hold back because we don’t know what our partner will think about a sudden idea or change of heart. Express whatever you’re going through.
Nobody stays the exact same over time, we grow as humans and so should a relationship. Express yourself (thoughts, ideas, etc.) so you both can grow together through different experiences.
10. Talk to Someone – Whether that be a therapist, couples’ counseling, or your best friend – talk it out. You’re not alone and there’s no shame in seeking help and outside guidance for yourself and/or your relationship.
Don’t let little snags along the way weigh down your relationship.
With these tips and your openness to get to know yourself and each other – sparks will be ready to fly!
Wonder if hormones play a part in your life and how they affect your relationship?
Dr. Elijah would love to help you get your happy hormones back – 719.553.2201 or request an appointment below.